Moving out of my house changed me… I grew up…
I had written my last blog on December 25, 2021. Exactly a year ago from now! I wrote about a girl who wanted to run away and create a beautiful life for herself. She lived in a toxic environment where she witnessed her father Simon fight with her mother Maria, almost every night. Throughout that blog, you’ll notice how living in an abusive household moulds a person differently. The character is rebellious, progressive, fierce, loving but extremely angry from the inside. The girl succeeded in running away from the torturous environment and believes, is now building her life like a beautiful garden. She shares how much she has changed as a person after moving out. She discusses the newness in her life and shares her future goals with utmost excitement.
I did it! I moved out!
In a far-away, beautiful country… surrounded by new people, new experiences, a whole new culture. Boy, what a year it has been! To my surprise, I am in touch with Simon and Maria. Moving out has changed me. Like they say, ‘’When we move out, we grow up’’. That’s exactly what happened to me.
I took a good whole year to celebrate and adjust to the BIG changes — new office, new colleagues, building new connections, looking for a place to live, not falling prey to the tourist scams, paying my own bills, doing the dishes and laundry — all on my own. It doesn’t sound like a lot but all of it was new to me. Back in my hometown, all I did was work hard at my job, spend time with my close friends on weekends and cry myself to sleep because of the constant fights at night between Simon and Maria…! Back then I did very little yet felt exhausted most of the time.
I LOVE my new life. I am killing it here. I have never been in a better state of mind. So much within me has changed. I sat myself down and mindfully analysed what exactly changed me. Following are the reasons:
I always wanted to stay on my own so that I could take calculated decisions for myself and have loads of fun while I had a tight ass and stomach that could possibly digest anything. Moving out has taught me so many things but the one thing that stands out is, living life fully! Earn your own buck, try different cuisines, focus on your health, don’t poke your nose in anyone’s business, explore new places, manage relationships with your special ones, grab your purse and roam around, chill on your own if need be, use your free time wisely and live fully! Basically, work on yourself.
Adjusting to that ONE big change
Moving out goes hand in hand with being yourself completely. The new-found freedom allows you to be yourself truly and completely. And then you realize you didn’t just bring a suitcase from your hometown. You brought a lot of baggage as well. See what I did there? I told you I am killing it here! My writing is getting better. Okay, getting back to the baggage now. Since I was had a front-row seat to the Simon-Maria fight show almost every night, I didn’t realize it back then but it seems I was picking up some of their patterns. And I picked up the worst one — Snapping. I always hated it when Simon used to snap at every little thing on Maria and when I started living on my own, I realized I was doing the same.
I had to consciously work on weeding this habit out by the roots. What motivated me to be extra conscious of this habit? The love for my special ones. I used to feel guilty the second after snapping but by that time, the damage had already been done. And seeing your loved ones hurt because of your ugly habit makes you want to become a better person, as soon as possible. It took me 5 months to do so but eventually I got there. There were other kinds of trauma as well that I unknowingly brought along but that’s a story for another day. Working on yourself takes time and conscious efforts but nothing compares to the happiness that comes after or during that journey. You are not only working on becoming a better version of yourself but also an absolute treat to be around : )
Doing the dishes and laundry
My mother used to do this and even more, most of the chores of the entire house. Back then, I don’t remember understanding how big of a thing that was. And now having your laundry and dishes done by someone — it’s like a dream! But still if anyone asks me if I’d prefer returning to my old life OR staying here (doing the dishes), I’d answer within a second. I will stay here. I love putting on some music, dancing and finishing off the chores on my own.
I had a lot of anger within me for Simon and Maria because of the constant abuse and fights. I still have some anger within me. But when I think about how Maria managed the laundry of the entire house, cooked for everyone everyday, kept the house free of cockroaches, I feel thankful. And when I think of the days she fed me warm food when I was ill, it makes me feel like I was loved for some moments of my life.
None of this justifies the mind games that she played with me and the environment she refused to get out of and keep me in. But I have been consuming a lot of self-help content and Dr. Maya Angelou once said in an interview with Oprah,
Forgive them, so that you’re free of all the resentments
And so that you can fully focus on other things like
Don’t forget and don’t get in a situation like that again
But forgive and say, ”I understand”
There’s no doubt that I am not letting Simon and Maria play with my feelings again but in order to make room for better things in my mind, I would like to tell them, I understand.
Spending time with self
I often roam around on my own. Being a lover of art, I spend my time visiting art galleries, attending painting workshops, reading about artists. I remember being afraid of spending more than two nights alone. That has definitely changed after I moved out. I LOVE spending time alone. I know myself so much more now. I know what ruins my mood, what exactly I need to do when that happens, I know what brings a smile on my face, I even know some of the hidden gems of this country. I know and I love myself.
I feel like I am much rooted now. I don’t hesitate to say sorry when I am wrong. I own my mistakes. I take accountability and work on them. Also, I have become quite forgiving towards others and myself. As Dr. Maya Angelou said,
”When you know better
You do better”
Working with global clients and having colleagues from different parts of the world
I have always been an ambitious person. When I got an opportunity to work with clients from Europe, Africa, and Australia, I grabbed it and HOW! When you speak with people who bring in years of experience from developed countries, you grow. A lot. I am fortunate to have colleagues and managers with immense experience who taught me the beauty of having a balanced work life, the beauty of networking, communicating respectfully and putting myself out there!
This is the biggest reason I would recommend anyone who is living in a toxic environment to persistently apply for jobs in countries/companies where people no matter their age, are treated with respect, warmth and are appreciated for the work they do.
I look at girls around me, thriving here on their own. They inspire and remind me that sky is the limit.
Since I moved out:
- I am learning a new language
- I am more focused on my goals
- I spend time with myself, consciously
- I have healthy relationships
- And most importantly, I have mental peace
Before I end my letter today, if you’re in a toxic environment and are struggling, I will repeat what I said in my previous letter:
When I say, “I want to run away and create a beautiful life for myself”, one might wonder, “How can running away be the solution?”. I just want to share a few words written by the most beautiful woman in this world, Taylor Swift. (From her song, It’s time to go)
Sometimes giving up is the strong thing
Sometimes to run is the brave thing
Sometimes walking out is the one thing
That will find you the right thing
Merry Christmas, y’all. I hope you get to spend it with your real self. Love and mental peace are all you need.
Pic courtesy: We heart it.
Note from the writer: If this blog was helpful to you, please drop a comment and let me know how you felt. I am grateful to you for investing your time and reading it till the end. Have a beautiful day ahead.
What a beautiful blog! More success to you Aishwarya! ♥️
Thank you Prashant. Thank you for reading and letting me know how you feel about it. Have a beautiful last-week of the year 🙂
So motivational and inspirational, lovely!!
Thank you, sweets. It makes me happy to know that it proved helpful to you. Sending squishy hugs and love.
You’ve nicely poured your heart out into letting the world know about your experience. I hope you get to do everything that gives you peace and happiness. All the best! 😊
Thank you so mych Shiny for investing your time in the blog and letting me know how you feel about it. Yes, I have poured my heart out and completely put myself out there. Thank you for the beautiful wishes in the comment. Have a gorgeous last-week-of the year 🙂 Happy Holidays.